Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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