ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
