his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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