Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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