She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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