He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize