my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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