just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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