after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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