Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
