Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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