My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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