Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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