Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Randomize
