my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
