I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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