everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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