I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize