I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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