Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
