Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
