Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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