Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize