I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
