OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
