drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
