I want to stick my p in your. b.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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