Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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