what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Two words: blizzard sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
