Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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