You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
