True but thats because hes a fetus.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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