He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
