I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
