i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i drank out of a bidet.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
