Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
