Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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