Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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