He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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