And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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