Just fell off a train. Bad.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize