Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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