they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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