You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
