thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
