Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
