Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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