I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
