I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
