I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
