So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
