I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
