I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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