apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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