Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
