you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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