She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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