is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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