if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
