To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
