At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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