Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
