Where is the hickey?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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