people are starting to question the shark bite story
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
