i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
