Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
