took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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