Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
