his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
