apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
