Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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