Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What drink are we having for lunch?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
